I've said the word "helpless" probably a hundred times since I came back from vacation a mere 2 weeks ago.
It's cliche, it's dramatic but it's perfect.
I have no control over Amanda's choices right now, I can hope she makes the "right" ones, I can pray she remembers what we have tried to instil, but it's her time to fly, shine and fall down a few times.
I can only illicit so much control over my work situation. I am trying my best to find a more lucrative position and one that has more predictable and stable hours. But after the dozens of contacts and resumes for both nannying and "real world" work, it is out of my hands. I can not make somebody like me best or hire me. I can only be myself, know that I am capable of great work and get on by.
I have no control over my loved one's health or how much they choose to reveal to me. I can only be there as much and as present as I can, for nobody knows what the future holds. I can listen and love.
I have no control over the fact that I am 37 with no career. That journey started when it did and will have to end when it does because I have a family and responsibilities. I can not change the makeup or realness of my family nor can I turn back the clock. I also can not control where the educational field will be once this Master's is done.
There is much I can not control. I am helpless in many regards.
I can control some things:
I can choose to be in the moment and attentive to my husband and daughter.
I can control how I let people treat me and who I let near my heart.
I can control how I spend what meager wages I receive.
I can choose to be a altruistic person even if it does not result in me getting "ahead"
I can let go
I can let things be
I can forgive others and myself
I can control what I put in my mouth and what I do with my body.
