Trying to come to grips

Been spending a lot of time working on me lately.

Started my 175th diet and exercise program end of June, lost 25lbs so far. Not bad, but often a real drag. I know I need to be healthier and that doesn't necessarily mean thin, but healthy. All my fluffy peeps know what I am talking about.
Which brings me to something else. If I have to listen to one more average or thing bitch complain about how she is soooo fat or she has never been the same since she birthed 4 or 5 babies and will never get smaller than a 8 ever again I am going POSTAL.

Ok, also been doing a lot of hard work in therapy. Getting much better at not measuring my worth by Amanda's actions or lack there of. Also trying not to judge myself solely on my education being completed or having "money" or having my life path going in a crazy squiggle most of my life. 
Also working on forgiveness, and acceptance and loving detachment...

I can't make people be the friends I want them to be, nor can I make people like me. The fact that I have or feel I have no friends also does not measure my worth. I often have made the mistake of being that person who instantly wants to be one of your best peeps. I go overboard in my giving ( both financial and emotional ) and in my depth of sharing and caring. Often people are not who I think they are ) I meet you I make a hasty snap decision). It's OK if the people I thought were family or besties are not as into me as I them. I shall not judge them for that.
I will not spend time with people who bring me down, or cause my inner ugly to come out. If I don't like the person I am when I am with them, no more simple as that. No hate, no anger, just loving acceptance.

But I still need more "friends"

Working on allowing myself to be loved. Nick adores me, I never accept a compliment or his love without a sarcastic comeback. For almost every I love you or you are beautiful or sexy or smart or funny I come back with a no you don't or are you blind or you must not have gotten laid alot as a young man to I am a idiot or only for a girl. I am getting better but I have a long way to go.

I also need to stop second guessing the love from my family. Stop wondering if they are simply "being kind" or polite.