Education

A few days ago I had to jump through hoops to consolidate my student loans in order to take advantage of recent government laws that will reduce the interest on student loans. Not all my loans qualified but enough to hopefully make a difference.
This got me thinking about what I thought education would give me and the realities of what I have.
I for as long as I can remember wanted to be college educated. My mother was a avid reader, but our family was lower middle class, with the exception of my maternal grandmother who with her husband owned a successful local oil company. But even they worked long hard hours. My mother was allergic to work but everyone around me had to bust their asses to put food on the table, especially my uncles, and my grandmothers.
I did things backwards, kid at 18, husband at 24, undergrad starting at 25 not finished until 34 and now a graduate degree that will be done when I am 38. Fucking 38. and my degree? BA in History and MEd in Secondary Education 6-12. The economy is in shambles, the education system is a mess, teachers are being downsized and I am finally at the cusp of achieving my childhood dream of being a teacher. Yay for fucking me. 50k in student debt and I will be lucky if I have a job.
I always felt that having education would be something NOBODY could take away from me a big middle finger to disprove what my mother thought of me and women in general. A means to crawl out from my own debilitating self esteem issues. If I was educated, people would take me seriously. Men especially. I would no longer feel like the fat piece of white trash in the room pretending to be a academic.
It hasn't worked yet. I do not have any rise in salary because of my BA regardless of news articles stating I should make more.  I love to nanny and it affords me flexibility to finish school but I still only care for other, richer, educated peoples children. I am domestic help. The irony at times makes me laugh. When I finally have this coveted Masters degree I will still be a nanny. Or a billing adjuster. Who knows how long until I have a teaching job or if I will ever reach the finally goal of a Phd?
Use your BA people say. To do what? Work at a museum for 9 a hour? Well at least it's work people say. Ok then you try to pay your bills on 9 a hour.
And that young woman who feels she is too stupid to take part in most conversations? Still here. The pieces of paper haven't "fixed" that. I guess I have to find the right tools to fine tune that problem.