Maybe it's the sun?

I realize that many of my posts are of a negative nature. I am attempting to use this blog to bury some demons.
But I don't want to use a paintbrush that only uses dark hues to paint the portrait of my life.
I have things pretty damn good now.

A little over 4years ago I reconnected with my father and his family. People that I really knew little about, and what I did know was painted by my mother's paintbrush (see dark hues, and maybe some VanGogh type art)
It has had it's challenges but it has become the single most positive change I have experienced in my 30's (maybe tomorrow I will talk about my positive changes in my 20's)

I have a family without drama. One that loves me i believe for me. A family that values my strengths and in spite of my weaknesses.

They have elected me the offical family vacation planner. A title I take very seriosuly. A honor. And something that anyone who knows me understands I am PERFECT for! I love every second of planning anything, whether a party, a dinner party or a family vacation.

They invite me to things! I have lunch with my favorite Aunt ever! I joke with my sister, feel sweet sadness for my brother, worry about my cousin, and am overjoyed with another cousin's new motherhood

I sit on my Aunt's porch and shoot the shit. I listen to my uncles crazy republican rants and it doesnt even make me mad! I even have come to love the one aunt who can be "diffcult".
The uncle who I thought was so cool as a kid has become a amazing grandad.

I drink with my dad. He jokes with me. He calls me kiddo. Last summer he asked to have a picture taken with me. I am slowly begining to feel that I have a place in some of the myriad of stories he shares around his kitchen table. A place inside a home built from love between him and my stepmom. A home I feel safe in, welcomed in.

And speaking of y stepmother! A sweeter soul on this earth you will be hard pressed to find. And there is nothing step to me about her. She is my momma. This woman has overcome her own demons to raise her children with nothing but love and devotion. She loves my dad deeply in spite of himself. She cries happy tears and sad tears, both of which i get and do on my own. She loves to talk to me and with me.

So you see I am pretty darn lucky. I try my best to not focus on the time lost but to focus on the times ahead. The times on that porch, the times around that kitchen table. The trips and vacations. The phone calls. The love.

My family loves me and I love them.